Just me and my mustache all day long.
It’s me and my mustache singin’ a song.
My upper lip is totally gone
Because my mustache is so long.

Ladies and gents please step aside
And get in line for this mustache ride.
If you’re a hater you might look and say, “What the heck?!”
But that’s cool ‘cause I’m ballin’ like Tom Selleck.
I got a big bushy forest growin’ on my face.
I might dress up like a cop and put you in your place.
Dirty Sanchez? Screw that, I got the real thing!
Rubbing up against my face is the new tickling.

Just me and my mustache all day long.
It’s me and my mustache singin’ a song.
My upper lip is totally gone
Because my mustache is so long.

When I was five years old I had my first mustache
It was made of fruit punch and I was sort of a catch.
Then the milk mustache was all the rage.
‘Til my peach fuzz showed up, it was a nice glowing beige.
Then I finally grew up and got this mustache that you see.
My manhood was complete, it was a victory.
And now I cruise the streets in my giant ass van.
Damn life is good, I’m the mustache man.

Just me and my mustache all day long.
It’s me and my mustache singin’ a song.
My upper lip is totally gone
Because my mustache is so long.

Just call me Confucius,
Or Yosemite Sam or Charlie Chaplan.
But not Abe Lincoln ‘cause he had a beard, not a ‘stache.